I have been a Christian since 2007 when I was 16. My knowledge of the Bible grew but I had many doubts and questions. The focus of what I was taught was always on my love for God, how much good I could do and how much I could shine God’s light and be His testimony for others to see. I never truly understood Jesus’ love for me.
From 2005 to 2007, I suffered from many unusual fears. Even singing the National Anthem in school would bring me such fear that I had to pinch myself till I bruised to divert my attention.
In 2013, I suffered from compulsive exercise disorder. I experienced a drastic loss of weight over a few months, dropping from 45kg to 38kg. In the end, my menstruation cycle was affected and I continued to suffer from daily fears. I feared that I was not exercising enough and was fearful of losing the strength and muscles that I worked and trained so hard for.
I also went into calorie counting. My mind was just controlled by thoughts of what I should or should not eat, and cravings for food. I thought I was going mad. I could not control my thoughts at all or study properly for my university examinations as my mind was just filled with fearful thoughts about food.
Subsequently, I went into a binge and ate large amounts of unhealthy food at night. In the morning, I would wake up in immense fear and guilt. I was so afraid that I would not be able to burn off the calories I had consumed the night before. I would run and exercise till I felt that my calories were all burnt out.
This cycle repeated for months. No amount of willpower could stop or put these fears under control. I prayed for God to deliver me from this fear.
I was under so much stress that I became suicidal. I hated myself and my life, and wondered why I had to suffer from this self–created problem. Many times, I would wander outside as I was so afraid of going home and starting the binge eating again.
It came to a point when praying did not seem to work and I gave up praying. I tried to seek professional help from the psychiatrist, the psychologist and dietician. These failed and cost me a lot of money. I still continued to suffer from binge eating, excessive exercising and fears. I was always an unhappy Christian.
But ever since I came to New Creation Church in early 2015, Pastor Prince’s messages shed light on the Bible passages which I thought I knew, but didn’t actually know them in context.
My perceptions and perspectives have changed. I viewed Christianity in a whole new meaningful way and began to understand how much Jesus actually loves me. Now, I understand why the gospel is the good news.
It was as if the fire within me when I first came to know Christ started burning even more brightly than ever before. I started to enjoy Jesus and His love rather than trying my best to love and obey Him.
The following year, I grew happier after Pastor Prince taught about the importance of meditation. I listened to his sermons almost every day and meditating on the Word gave me joy unexplainable.
My life became more joyful and my eating and exercise habits became more regular. Truly, Jesus has finished the work and I can rest in His love for me. Prayer is no longer about me seeking for God to heal, but a recognition and reminder that as Jesus is healthy, so am I in this world. And I would declare aloud His promises when I know that a fear is coming. Through meditation and declaration, I no longer suffer from anxiety attacks.
Thank you Pastor Prince for preaching the gospel of grace. I have been set free in my mind, not by focusing on my problems and trying to get better but by placing my focus on Jesus Christ and His truths.